It is with so much sadness that I am writing this post.
As the mother of a beautiful 12 year old, I cannot even imagine what the families and community of the children and teachers of Sandy Hook are going through right now. I am so sorry, and just want to extend my condolences to all who are touched by this unspeakable drama and tragedy.
I have received several requests from EFTers who just want to help, and I’d like to share a few thoughts on how we can do this tactfully and effectively.
First of all, in a situation like this, it is very hard to come from a place of healing.
Even though EFT does magic, healing and “letting go” is not the call of the minute. Just listen and acknowledge.
The families are in a state of shock, and need acknowledgment. Acknowledgment comes before healing.
We can help in a deeply acknowledging way with EFT. If they are willing to tap with you, just follow the basic recipe, maybe the short version, just making acknowledging statements:
Overwhelmed with grief
I don’t understand
I can’t believe this… may be good statements to begin with.
Make sure that you are not opening a person up to feelings that they may not be able to handle, and if you are not a licensed therapist, make sure that you work within your scope of practice and refer as needed.
What I found when helping victims of tragedy was, that it can be very helpful to not focus on the feelings, as there are so many, and the person might not be open to even consider letting go. It is way to early.
Instead, I would chase the pain with them: We would focus on the physical body, and notice the tension, pain, stress that is stored there.
Then we would simply start to tap on these symptoms:
“Even though I have so much tension in my chest, I love and accept myself gently and with much compassion.
Even though I feel so much grief in my throat, I allow myself to say and feel what is right for me right now.
Even though I have such pain in my shoulders, I gently love and accept myself.
TH: I am overwhelmed
IE: I am so tense
OE: I have this tension in my shoulders
UE: I have this grief in my throat
UN: There is so much tension in my stomach
UL: There is so much tension in my chest
CB: I feel so tense and tight all over
UA: And I gently acknowledge and accept these feelings and symptoms
TH: I allow myself to feel what is right for me right now, and I choose to trust my own guidance.
Just be gentle. It may even be better to just stay with one symptom at a time. Anything that is acknowledging, kind and gentle will be helpful.
It is important to keep our own agenda out of the situation. When working with grief, don’t expect the person to change or feel better.
Gary Craig said so correctly, that we work with the excess grief, we take the edge off, in a way that works for the individual victim.
We can’t “fix” anything, make it “better”, help heal at that moment.
We must have the courage to just stand by with an open heart, acknowledge and gently tap with the people in a way that feels appropriate for them.
This takes courage, and if you feel inclined to help: Thank You!
This is a very tough time for all of us right now.
My heart goes out to everybody involved, and the many thousand parents all over the world who are loosing their children to war, hunger and illness right now. We must make a change.
And we are.