How To Deal With Anger – Acknowledgement Comes Before Healing
How to deal with Anger, when it feels so overwhelming, so clear and real?
Many of my EFT students are asking this question, and I have found over the years, that being able to handle anger well is one of the most important skills, personally as well as professionally.
In my experience, anger comes from a sense of betrayal, missing out, being unrecognized or treated unfairly.
Anger hurts.
Angry people are not just angry, they are fearful, hopeless, struggle with a sense of powerlessness about their ability to change a situation, that makes the feeling of anger a neccessart emotion to protect themselves and get something done.
My first advise when dealing with anger, wether it is your own, or someone else’s:
Acknowledge it!
Acknowledge that shomething happened that shouldn’t have happened.
Acknowledge that things hae been unfair
Acknowledge that it hurts to feel this way.
Acknowledge that you or the other person deserved to feel better, and that it is not OK to be in the situation you/they are in.
I can say this very generally, do you notice?
No matter what happened or is still going on, and angry person deserves acknowledgment.
So here is what this looks like:
I am Sorry!
No really – I AM sorry that this happened to you, and you now have to feel this way.
This is a big deal for you.
This must hurt.
Nobody will ever understand how much you are going through.
That’s not fair.
Yes, it is a big deal, and If I had been through what you experienced, I would feel the same way.
This is true.
Do you notice how comforting and affirming it is when people hold space for our anger, instead of trying to “fix” it?
Try it.
Acknowledge your own feelings and the feelings of others.
You will see how much better you feel, and how freeing it is to not be judged but heard.
When you are working with a very angry person, acknowledgment without judgment comes before healing.
Please share your experiences with this below!
I’d love to hear from you!
Love
Ingrid
I re-watched your anger video it and then saw your blog posting on anger. It is amazing, truly, even in simply reading this how drastic ‘being acknowledged’ can alter and shift things. Just reading this brought me to tears, and I felt as though you were actually listening to me being angry about something, and HEARING me. I initially felt like a little kid, angry, frustrated, confused, and wanting someone to witness and acknowledge things. Being angry is very isolating, and confusing, and helpless feeling…which I imagine is why angry people lash out. Being acknowledged is huge, and it really helps to get to ‘reality’ much much faster, and a much calmer person. From there, it seems like a lot of work to not feel so scared of being wronged or betrayed to begin with. Thank you again for this.
Alan T.
I love the point of not trying to “fix” it for our clients – the healing power of just being heard, acknowledged, can be all that is needed, at least to start. Beautifully stated, thank you, Ingrid.
Ingrid….This is a breath of fresh air. I felt my whole body relax as I read your caring words of acknowledgement. This is life-changing for me….thank you so much for sharing it.
Love,
Suzanne
xo
Acknwowledgement without judgement does help. We often either suppress, negate, or repress our anger and do not acknowledge it.
Lovely article Ingrid!
Thank you Puja. I know that this is an integral part of your work as well. Witnessing and holding space for each other is very important in the healing process. I appreciate you!
Love
Ingrid